Me and the World At 19: The Aches and Pains of Church

If anyone is a church kid, it's me. Both my parents were church kids - my mother is a pastor's daughter and my dad is a deacon's son. I have been going to church literally since I was born and have partaken in all the churchy activities that have been available to me according to my age group.

However my church-kid experience has not been a typical one. I have been exposed to a variety of denominations and cultures and that has given me an interesting insight into the workings of the church both from a congregational side and a leadership side.

I was dedicated as a baby by my grandfather in the French Brethren Church Assembly my mum grew up in, and as my parents settled down in England we went to a variety of different churches from Baptist to Brethren to Pentecostal because of their moving around so much. We finally settled down in what is now my home church, Harbour Church, here in Folkestone. 

Being a kid at Harbour Church was great. I am so happy that I grew up with so many leaders around me that cared for my spiritual and emotional well-being and took the time to talk to me about Jesus and the Christian life.

I am a very deep thinker and the things of eternity and beyond the ordinary have always weighed heavily on my heart, even as a kid. God put people in my life who took the time to listen and answer the questions that have troubled my heart throughout the years and I am so grateful for all that positive input. 

However, despite having such a positive upbringing in church and a Christian family I have experienced a lot of hurt from the church. Not God - the church. 

When I was 14 God called my parents to be missionaries in Ukraine. My dad is Ukrainian and we went out there to pastor the church that my grandfather had planted before he moved to America with my grandma. 

The move changed everything. I suddenly went from being 'just another church kid' to being a pastor's daughter/missionary kid. I was thrown into a new culture with a new language and my family had a whole new set of responsibilities to fulfill. We had to rebuild the church's dilapidated buildings - it was a wreck when we arrived - and we tried to further the ministry. 

The outside of our church

The "main hall". The walls were really bare and we had to light a fire to keep  the room warm in winter. It would get so stuffy and it was tempting to fall  asleep during the service :3

The other end of the "main hall". Everyone sat really close together - something we had to get used to being English :)

As I reflect of the time I had in Ukraine before moving out from my parents', my heart aches and my eyes well with tears because those three and a half years were the hardest of my life.

The years I was supposed to be spending doing my GCSEs and getting ready for A-levels were instead spent trying to settle down into a community that didn't wholly accept us and a church that wanted to control my family. 

I could write an entire book about my negative experiences of church in Ukraine, there are so many. The sad part is that it wasn't just the one village church that hurt me and my family, but other churches in the town we lived in that showed some particularly bad attitudes regarding discipleship and living the Gospel. 

In the village church at first people welcomed my family and showed tremendous generosity and hospitality only to try and divide us as a family unit over the next couple of years. About two and a half years into my parents' term (they have been serving for just over 5 years now) our church experienced a split. We lost half our congregation and as a result vicious rumours about my dad spread like wildfire around the village. I lost a lot of weight and sleep due to that and have struggled to recover full health since that time. The split and the time leading up to it put an immense strain on my parents' marriage and our family relationships as a whole. 

During that time so much ugly truth about church members was uncovered: participation in the occult, emotional abuse, arm-twisting for finances, theft, broken-down marriages, fornication, discontent, bitterness... the list goes on.

We had put so much trust in the people of our church when we had first arrived. We thought they shared the same vision as us and that they were lapping up the Bible teaching we were giving only to find out the opposite was true. Our generosity and sincerity was used and abused countless times emotionally, financially and time-wise; these sacrifices often left our family wanting. 

I am amazed at how such a small group of people could pour so much poison into a church and village all in the name of Jesus. Now that hurts. Forget the abuse our family received. Jesus' holy name was used and abused in countless twisted and selfish ways and that is something that sickens me to the pit of my stomach. 

Regarding other churches, the hurt I have experienced has not always been as a result of being directly affected but by watching people I know being controlled in their life and financial choices by church leaders. Watching the way Christians treat each other has also been very angering and hurtful. One day people are “brothers and sisters in Christ” and the next they're stabbing each other in the back.

I have seen people work themselves into the ground out of guilt and the fear of not being busy enough. I have also watched friends of mine put their all into full-time ministry whilst holding full-time jobs with very minimal support of the church. This has messed up relationships between church leaders and created a lot of resentment.

I have seen the fruit of poor mentoring and misinformation: wandering away from Jesus, rampant gossip, adultery, occult practice and manipulation to name a few. I'm sad to say that I have known pastors to be some of the worst gossips. Many of the stories I have heard from others about church have shown a poor demonstration of the grace and compassion we as Christians should be known for.

I have seen the effects of Word of Faith Movement on the way church is done and the lives of Christians and non-Christians alike. The pursuit of wealth and spiritual highs have left many feeling guilty for not having enough faith and doubting if they are even saved. Christian have often used physical health and wealth to lure people into church when actually they should have just sat back and loved people, letting God do His amazing work in their hearts.

I have so much that I could be bitter about regarding the church. I know that all the things I have listed above are true in other parts of the world as much as in Ukraine. I also know that the church in Ukraine is not entirely bad and, I hope, the reality of the church there is far more positive than what I have personally experienced.

Despite what I have written, the Church is actually a wonderful thing. She is Jesus' Bride but due to people and their messed-up attitudes, the Bride is not all she could be. Praise God that: 1) He is not the Church and 2) He is continuously building His Church around the world, making her more and more perfect.

The Church has a unique opportunity to reach out to the world in an attitude of absolute love and humility. I really love the Church and feel so privileged to play a part in its growth as God calls me.

My testimony is one of someone who got hurt by the church in many ways but has continued to walk with God despite it. If you are someone who once did go to church but got hurt by it and left, can I challenge you to give it another go? I know it's painful but like I said before, God is not His church. God is constant, loving, accepting and healing and He never changes.

Let's end this with a happy family picture. The Trokhies in 2011.