The World and Me at 19: Feminism

Recently I haven't done so much writing on my blog because when I have sat down to write it seems that more questions come to mind than conclusions. I like conclusions. I like knowing the answers to the questions in my mind and putting them into words.

However, that has not been the case of late, so I have decided to start putting forth my questions instead. After all, how on earth am I supposed to know all the answers and draw my final conclusions when my life has only just begun? 

Therefore please accept with grace this post of honesty and sincerity. I might say outrageous things and I may not produce any satisfactory conclusions at all, but I hope that by putting this out there I will encourage others to think and inspire them to seek out the answers to their questions.

So here we go.

Upon returning to the UK from Ukraine last year there were a few issues that I was confronted with pretty much immediately. Feminism was one of them. 

I have never been too fond of the word 'feminism' growing up. It's always had negative connotations and brought to mind images of women rioting in the streets topless, weird art featuring a lot of ovaries, man-haters and career-oriented, workaholic women who don't want children. 

I remember walking back home from the pub one night about a year ago with my best friend and listening as she recounted a conversation she had had with a girl that evening about feminism and I said that I didn't agree with it and thought it was silly. She asked why and while I stood by the thoughts I had just expressed, the question as to what feminism might actually be was planted in my mind. 

Not long after that conversation I started a section of my English A-level that was about language and gender and how language affects the way men and women perceive themselves and each other. Initially I was angry that I had to study this topic, seeing it as the education system trying to brainwash me into compromising my faith for liberal ideals.

But when I put my emotions aside and started talking about it with a couple of ladies at church my perspective changed. Why are women used as examples of physical and emotional weakness in language? As I persevered with my studies I noticed how the way people speak of each other affected their expectations of each gender and themselves as an individual. 

I think language is the key to any culture and the tongue expresses the mentalities people have within them. This of course affects society and therefore it became apparent to me that the way we talk about each gender does affect the way we view, not just women, but men too.  

Living in Ukraine for most of teenage years has deeply affected the way I perceive men and women. There men are very masculine and women are very feminine. There is not a lot of room for a middle ground. There also isn't a lot of room (in small towns and villages, anyway) for discussions regarding feminism.

As far as sexism is concerned in Ukraine, my experiences have shown that men have the upperhand in society. I have found a lot of men to be emotionally domineering and undermining of women and even in some cases physically.

However, I have also come across households where women are very domineering over men in a sly and manipulative way. The woman will still insist that the man is the head of the house while in reality she in complete control of everything he does, says and thinks. The Slavic mentality is very much one where each gender knows its place which is why women will still say they recognize a man's place even if they don't demonstrate it in the way they live. 

Male roles are also very distinct - the man drives, the man does the manual labour and the man is the main family protector and provider. Alcoholism is strife in Ukraine (and most of eastern Europe) so depending on whether or not this factor is present, these tend to be the general expectations of men. On the other hand, communism put a lot women to work outside of the home, although domestic chores are still very much the woman's domain. 

I feel very strongly against both of the above domineering approaches. While I still hold to what some might say is the traditional view of the man being the head of the house, I do not agree that that gives him the right to domineer over a woman and her nature. At the same time I do not agree that this gives women consent to take the opportunity to tread men down and suffocate their nature. 

Switching from Slavic culture into Western society than puts such a massive emphasis on gender equality and equal opportunities has turned out to be quite a shock and I have since been trying to figure out what I believe for myself. 

I have a very wonderful friend called Katy who is very passionate about justice for both men and women. She has sat down and listened to my various experiences like the ones written above and questions concerning feminism and what it is and she has given me some great insight into its importance. 

On Saturday I went to a discussion group at the Quarterhouse in Folkestone run by Katy and her friend Catherine called "Raising Children and Resisting Sexism" for International Women's Day. It's probably a bit odd that a 19 year old kid should want to go to something like that on a Saturday morning, but my logic was that one day I will be a parent and these are the issues that my generation will be talking about therefore it would be good to know what they are. 

There were a lot of interesting ideas thrown around and the atmosphere was one of free thought (wow, that does sound rather hippie-ish :3). I spoke to and listened to women (and men!) from different walks of life and discussed things such as how the toys children play with and the clothes they wear cause them to view themselves and other people. 

I came away from that discussion group with new insight. Like I said, I have not come to any conclusions yet but I am very happy to have spoken to people with different life experiences who feel passionate about positive parenting and improving our society.

So here are some of the questions that are swimming around in my head after all these experiences and discussions:

How does my faith in Jesus work with feminism in a 
way that does cause me to compromise my beliefs?

How can feminism as we know it work with 
other cultures apart from Western culture?

How does sexism and feminism affect me as 
an individual women and a child of God?

How do I discuss feminism with people 
who do not believe in God? 

Feminism is a very heavy topic. I still feel quite tentative to put things up about it on social media and to call myself a feminist. The term still makes me feel a little squeamish and I'm not quite sure where I stand in regards to my opinion on it.

However, like my friend Katy explained to me, feminism is a call for justice. It's not about hating men or women being better than men, but fighting for the right thing. 

God is a God of justice and love and as His follower justice and love for all should also be my mission.

So here it is: feminism and me at 19. I am still grasping the concept of what it is and how it works and I while I don't believe it to be the end-all to our global problems, I still want to find out more and fight for justice in this world. 

P.S. Happy international women's day! ✽